美麗又愚蠢
丈夫 :『為什麼上帝把女人造得那麼美麗,卻又那麼愚蠢呢?』
妻子:『上帝把我們造得美麗,你們才會愛我們。把我們造得愚蠢,我們才會愛你們。』
目標變了
夫妻二人吃飯時。
妻子 :『你現在怎麼盡挑魚背上的肉吃?記得我們談戀愛時, 你最愛吃魚頭魚尾 ……』
丈夫:『現在我的目標是吃魚,當時我的目標是釣魚。』
饒你一次
一個男人很怕老婆。一天,他老婆又當著客人的面和他吵了起來,並打了他一耳光。 為了面子,男子壯著膽子大吼 :『你敢再打我一下?』
他老婆毫不猶豫地又打了一下。
男子看嚇不住老婆,只得說 :『既然你這麼聽話,我就饒你一次吧。』
何必如此
妻子心血來潮,站在鏡子前仔細端詳,發現自己的臉竟是那樣難看,不禁放聲大哭。
坐在一旁觀察已久的丈夫說 :『妳偶爾照一次鏡子就那麼傷心,那我天天看著你又該怎麼辦?』
跟在家一樣
妻子到監獄探望丈夫
妻子 :『親愛的,你在這裡過得怎麼樣?』
丈夫:『就跟在家一樣,哪兒也不讓去,伙食也糟透了!』
夢話
妻子關心地說 :『老公,你近來老是說"夢話",要不要我陪你去醫院檢查一下身體?』
丈夫驚慌地答 :『不用,如果醫生給我治好了這毛病,那麼我在家裡的這一點點發言權都沒有了!』
愛妻
在耶路撒冷渡假當中,他的妻子突然去世了。
殯儀館的人跟他說:您可以選擇花$5,000將尊夫人的遺體運回您的國家,或者花$150把她葬在這聖地耶路撒冷。
先生想了一會兒,就跟殯儀館的人說, 他要把她運回家鄉。殯儀館的人不解地問他說:『為何您寧可花$5,000把尊夫人運回家鄉,而不願意將她葬在這美好之地,而且花更少錢呢?』
先生回答:『很久以前,有一個人在這裡死了,埋在這裡,過了三天,他又復活了。』(聖經記述【耶穌死後第三天復活】)
他繼續說著: 『...............我就是不想冒這個險...』
老鼠怕猫
一只老鼠总是愁眉苦脸,因为它非常怕猫。
上帝同情它的遭遇,便施法把他变成一只猫。
老鼠变成猫后又害怕狗。上帝就把它变成狗,
但它又开始怕老虎,上帝就让他做老虎,
它又担心会遇上猎人。上帝就让他变成猎人。
他变成猎人又怕老婆,上帝就让他变成了老婆。
老婆又害怕老鼠,最后,上帝只好把它又变回老鼠。
上帝说:
不论我怎么做都帮不了你,因为你缺乏面对现实的勇气,拥有的不是信心,只是害怕!
做任何事情,怕,我们可能就会输一辈子!
Take good care of your
eye-sight
70-year-old George went for his annual check-up. He told the
doctor that he felt fine, but often had to go to the bathroom during the night.
Then he said: "But you know Doc, I’m blessed. God knows my eyesight is
going, so he puts on the light when I pee, and turns it off when I’m
done!"
A little later in the day, Dr. Smith called George’s wife and said: "Your husband’s test results were fine, but he said something strange that has been bugging me. He claims that God turns the light on and off for him when uses the bathroom at night."
His wife Thelma exclaimed: "That old fool! He’s been peeing in the refrigerator again!"
- the moral is take good care of your eye-sight !!
A little later in the day, Dr. Smith called George’s wife and said: "Your husband’s test results were fine, but he said something strange that has been bugging me. He claims that God turns the light on and off for him when uses the bathroom at night."
His wife Thelma exclaimed: "That old fool! He’s been peeing in the refrigerator again!"
- the moral is take good care of your eye-sight !!
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